I don't feel like writing

Some days, you just don’t feel it.

Today is one of those days. I woke up early, had people calling me late last night for work, then had a client meeting where I had to expend a lot of energy and I’m just pooped.

I was gonna write all about the things that I learned from peloton instructors. And I think it’s a good idea, but I’m going to actually GET ON the peloton when I’m done writing this and honestly… that’s a lot of peloton for one day lol.

And you also don’t all need to hear about my foray into the cult.

So instead we’re gonna do a bunch of random thoughts, let’s have at it.

It’s so hard for people to see outside of their own context. I was freaking out about it last night, because I was going to walk into a meeting today and knew that the one thing I wasn’t clear on was the audience I was going to be talking to.

I’m in the middle of reading (well, it’s sitting on my desk and has a book mark so I’m counting it as reading lol) Medhi Hassan’s “Win Every Argument” and the FIRST point it makes about winning an argument is knowing your audience.

To me that felt incredibly… obvious? But the more I look around the more I see that most people are talking to themselves then hoping other people agree with them. Because taking yourself out of the equation and thinking “What does xyz person want to hear” or “what would motivate abc person” is much harder!

And we’ve normalized statements like “put yourself in their shoes” that imply that you’re just putting you in their place. Even the golden rule “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” gets this wrong.

It’s not about you. It’s about the people around you. You’re not walking a mile in their shoes, you’re walking a mile in their EXISTENCE. You gotta see beyond the obvious things that make sense to you. I don’t need to be told to cater to your audience, because I’ve learned the lesson the hard way. But the important part is, I learned! I didn’t get it right the first time, I had to work on it.

And it’s not like I learned the lesson once and moved on. I’ve talked about the fact that I had to learn it at Smith Barney… but even then the lesson was more about entertaining your audience than “knowing” them. I was still crafting things that I found fun and interesting, which is step one! If you don’t know what you think is interesting, how are you going to understand what someone else finds interesting?

But on top of that, I was in a speech and debate team at USC. Didn’t learn the lesson (granted, we had a running joke that if I led in our debate we’d get creamed, but if I was our anchor we’d win… because I was starting to get the “response” part of listening actively and tailoring how you respond to how someone initially spoke… but again that’s just one of many steps in the process).

So a part of me wonders — is it that we’re teaching people the wrong things so they don’t get to learn this lesson? Are we being too kind in not calling it out when people are clearly talking for themselves and not their audience? How do we fix it? Maybe I should read the rest of Medhi’s book and see if he knows the answer lol.

And what’s the deal with hustle culture. Why are we all so focused on activity. I’m just as to blame as anyone. I specifically do a ton of chores in the mornings on weekends, because then I can feel “less guilty” about sitting on my ass playing video games and watching football. But what do I have to feel guilty for?! Should I really be productive ALL the time. Isn’t that stupid? Doesn’t that not leave room for humanity and enjoyment and pain and loss and all the wonderful feelings you get to feel by being a person?!

Or am I just being too existential?

Am I allowed to say I’m memorable on a work call? I said it today when someone joined and said “well I know I know Scott because of all the Star Wars stuff in his background.” And I responded “well, I am memorable” and I’m feeling SUPER weird about it. Oh well. On to the next.

Is this enough content for a Tuesday post so I can go work out, or do I need to bang out some more?

Wait, who cares? Is there some substack overlord gonna swoop in and say “SCOTT. YOU DIDN’T EXPLORE ENOUGH EMPATHY. YOU MUST CONTINUE”. Not today.

Well, I do have one empathy thought then I’ll mosey.

A strange thing happens when you start thinking empathetically about the people around you, whether they’re your family, or your colleagues, or just randos walking the streets. I feel like your brain chemistry changes. You start seeing the world through a different lens.

And that lens, is gratitude. I mean look at how awesome it is that you and I are sharing this moment. We’re in different places and different times (yes, that makes us time travelers, congrats!) and yet we’re both interacting with the words on the screen.

You’re having thoughts about my thoughts and I’m thinking about what you might be thinking, and then realizing that this is a horribly confusing sentence, but it’s intended to be to illustrate a point. We’re in this together, and I’m grateful for it.

I’ve been talking a lot with my wife about gratitude, because at least once a day, we each look at the other and say something along the lines of “I’m really glad you’re here.” Nothing too crazy, just a “isn’t this great” type of feeling welling up then saying it out loud to the person you’re with. And it’s not something we as a society do enough. Even right now I’m thinking, I don’t do this with my kids enough lol. I tell them that I love them and that they’re great, but I don’t think they hear enough “I’m grateful you’re in my life”.

Because what feels better than hearing that someone truly appreciates you?

I guess the only answer is, truly appreciating someone and getting to tell them.

On that note - I appreciate you reading, and baring with me as I just write out thoughts without any outline or intent. I’m just here fulfilling a promise to myself and then you are here reading it because you want to. That’s pretty fricken cool. I’m grateful for you.